Saturday, 19 January 2013

The one about if..

So he stood there and looked at me, perhaps it was pity in his old, wise eyes perhaps it was hope. I had given up once again on doing what I said i would do, I had broken yet another promise in a long line of broken promises. I was supposed to study, I was supposed to do good and be good but I had not been. and I made one excuse after the other to him. 'It was my friends fault for distracting me, it was the teachers fault for catching me, it was the families fault for not leaving me alone.' He looked at me and smiled and said....

But this is not the end of the story nor is it in fact the beginning, it was an event that had happened mant a month is in fact not the story itself.

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;

I was about to lie once again and it was a lie i was comfortable in saying and doing. He was leaving once again and I was supposed to visit him at a relatives place to say goodbye. But the problem was I did not want to go. Going involved things like getting dressed and meeting people. He would come again and go again,I thought to myself, what difference would another meeting make.

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;

 It wasn't that I did not love him, far from it i cared for him deeply. I was just not in the mood for another lecture. ' you see i have studies to do' I told myself, which I did but even if i did not go I would still not do. ' you see i have exams coming up' which again was true but was not something I was particularly focussed on. Still the exams excuse was good enough i decided. 

if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
 So I picked the phone up and dialled away, the rest of the family had already left for the farewell. I had my lines rehearsed and ready to go. The phone was passed to him and I quickly said my greetings and just as I had carefully rehearsed I started with ' Sorry I really wanted to come but...' then he cut me and said words that will haunt me for a long time to come. 'you don't have to explain anything! when you love somebody like i do you and they love you back like you do me, no explanations are needed.'
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
Taken aback by his sincerity i mumbled a thank you, and quickly wished him a safe journey with a formal 'I'll see you soon'  and put the phone down.  

I was never to see him again..his death came all of a sudden and with little warning. Death


The great Dilip Kumar  wrote on the passing of his friend Rajesh Khanna “Death is just the end of life, not a relationship'

So i return to the beginning of this story He looked at me and smiled and said....' Son do you know what a man is? Confused I shook my head.. he put his arm on my shoulder and said ' a man is someone who has a big heart and broad shoulders' 
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son

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