Monday, 13 February 2012

A Valentines post: Odds & ends

I am being lazy again and using others words to say stuff I am too lazy to do, but life is keeping me busier then normal.So enjoy!
Women love us for our defects. If we have enough of them, they will forgive us everything, even our gigantic intellects.
A little dedication to Valentines day for readers, I give you very different stories the first a tragic fable and the second a funny one and finally a bit of advice.

Once upon a time there was a woman who had three suitors. Before she could choose between them, she fell ill and died.

One of the men wandered the world, vowing to find a way to bring her back to life. The second spent his time comforting her aged father. The last threw himself on her grave, wept and refused to budge.

It so happened that the wandering suitor rescued a wise man who had fallen down a well. The Wise man knew of an ointment hat could bring the dead to life. However he required the root of a particular tree, which was guarded by a ferocious monster. The young man vanquished the monster and got hold of the root and the ointment was prepared. When it was rubbed on to the womans corpse she was restored to the exact way she was before she died.

All the suitors began to pester the lady for her hand in marriage.

"I was a comfort to your father in his sorrow" said the second
"I lay by your grave, pining away with love" said the third
"But it was I who travelled the earth and fought monsters to find the ointment that saved you" said the first
The woman said: " The man who looked after my father was like a son for him. The one who found the ointment was a humanitarian. But the man who lay weeping upon my grave after all hope had died, he is the one who behaved like a lover and I shall marry none but him."

- by Sairah Shah

On that dark note, here is something a bit lighter:
 It 'twas the day after Valentines and Martin awoke at home with a huge hangover. He forced his eyes open and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on his side table. Suddenly he realises the date and bits of what happened the night before. He was supposed to get a Valentines gift for his wife and surprise her with a romantic dinner, instead he ended up in the local pub with his friends, drnking the night away.

Now he couldn't remember how he got undressed and went to bed and that just added to all his confusion. Martin then sat up and noticed his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looked around the room and noticed it was spotless. Martin thought to himself all this was very odd, he expected his Missus to be shouting at him for having ruined her Valentines; and yet she was nowehere to be seen. Still he had to do something about his headache, so he takes the aspirins and puts on his clothes. As soon as he gets up and moves about he notices a note on the table. "Honey, breakfast is in the oven. I left early to go shopping. Love you!" Curiouser and curiouser thought Martin, what had come over his wife? Still wondering when the other shoe would drop Martin went to the Kitchen and sure enough as written, he finds his breakfast and the morning paper set out nicely in front of him. His son was also at the table drinking some orange juice. Martin asked him, " Son what happened last night?" His son said, "You came home at at 3am, really drunk. You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway and gave yourself a black eye when you fell over."

Still confused Martin asked, "So why is everything in order and so clean and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?" His son replied, "Oh that I think it's because Mum dragged you to the bedroom and when she tried to take your pants off, you said, 'Get your hands off me! I'm married!"

 And finally a bit of advice on the dangers of cupids arrows..

Oh, innocent victims of Cupid,
Remember this terse little verse;
To let a fool kiss you is stupid,
To let a kiss fool you is worse

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